Scott Hodge

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Perry explains what they REALLY mean….

Oct 7, 2008
17 Comments

My, my, my…

My brutha, Perry Noble, has thrown down southern style!  And it's way too good to simply link to.  So here is the entire post:

One of the lessons I’ve learned while being in the ministry for the
past 17 years is sometimes what people say isn’t exactly true…things
such as…

(WARNING…you will probably only like this post if you are a pastor or a staff member of a church!)

What They Say:  “I’m looking for a church that preaches the Word!”

What They Mean:  “I’m looking for a church that
preaches MY view of the Word.  I think the BLANK translation should be
used…I think BLANK should be talked about a lot while BLANK should be
ignored.  And if you ever stop preaching my view of the Word I will
leave and tell others that you don’t preach the Word!”

What They Say:  “Lot’s of people have been coming to me and saying they don’t like is…”

What They Mean:  “I basically only have three
friends…and all of them think exactly like me.  The other night we were
enjoying a time of self righteousness because, after all, we are right
about everything…and were also slandering you (in the form of prayer
requests) and thought it would be wise to approach you with our pet
peeve.  We’ve actually talked to no one else about this but said “lots”
because we wanted to validate our dysfunction.”

What They Say:  “I’m leaving the church.”

What They Mean:  “Beg me to stay.  If you will just
ask me I will share with you several ways you can compromise God’s
vision that He’s given you, thus becoming nothing more than a people
pleasing pastor who is more interested in popularity than obedience. 
If you don’t bow to my demands I will remind you that I tithe and that
the church needs my money, reducing you to a mere preaching whore…one
who is paid for a service for the pleasure of another person.”

What They Say:  “I want a church that is more focused on discipleship.”

What They Mean:  “I want a church where everyone
knows me and how important I am!  I don’t want to reach people who are
different from me, be it economic class or race or even musical
preference.  I already know WAY more than I do…but I somehow equate
spirituality with knowledge rather than application and I rather enjoy
feeling intellectually superior to those who don’t know as much as me.”

What They Say:  “Don’t take this personally…but…”

What They Mean:  “I am about to lower the BOOM on
you…but you can’t get angry because I told you not to take it
personally.  Even though you have dedicated your life to this and
pretty much invest every ounce of energy you have to this cause…and I
think about it once or twice a week…you need to receive my attacks,
even when they are personal…and you cannot retaliate because, remember,
it’s not personal.”

OKAY, that was fun!  I typed it all with a smile.  Trust me…I’m not
mad or frustrated with anyone…I just thought a pastor or two MIGHT get
a smile out of this.  :-)

Thanks Perry.  Now I'm going to take a deep breath…..

Original Post


17 Responses to “Perry explains what they REALLY mean….”

  1. Mike says:

    Dang that was awesome! Unfortunately very true.

  2. doug says:

    Sad, but i’ve said a few of those……
    about my old church. :^)

  3. Lisa Lampman says:

    So sad… but hilarious at the same time. You need some sort of fly swatter to smack people with when they act so self-centered.

  4. Ben Hammond says:

    Wow… that is intense… and funny… ans sobering. Definitely made me smile.

  5. Eric says:

    Wow. Humbling.
    This should be preached from every pulpit/stool this upcoming Sunday/Saturday. Because people need to hear this. I know I did.

  6. He missed:
    They Said: “Pastor, I have to leave because I’m not getting fed.”
    They Meant: “To be truthful, I’m only at the trough about once a month, but when I am, I expect you to have a Sirloin Strip run through the blender and whipped to a smoothie so I can swallow it, because God knows I’m too lazy to cut the meat myself.”

  7. yeah – what he said. I was fixing to develop a post like this – now i’ll just copy Perry’s. Love it!

  8. Peter Carino says:

    Scott,
    I read this over at his blog today. I have to say that a lot of what he has posted lately has been personally meaningful to me as a pastor!
    Peter

  9. Konrad says:

    So true. Fortunately we can read it the way it was written, with a smile.

  10. Here’s one more for Perry’s list.
    They Said: “God told me ……..”
    What They Meant: “Adding the words “God told me” to any crackpot idea or thought that I have completely validates it and makes it off limits to any comments you might have because, as you and I both know, God is always right!”

  11. Ted Egly says:

    I think it was Rob Bell who said that many are searching for the “perfect” church, which never is to be found…invariably when they describe that perfect church, it almost sounds like they are looking for a “spiritual sweater”…a snug fit for the whole family :-) .

  12. joanna says:

    the “Don’t take this personally…but…” or “no offense but…..” thing drives me nuts. It is so lame. As far as i’m concerned you should say it, mean it and stand by the consequences of what you said. If you can’t do that you probably shouldn’t be saying it.

  13. Steve Cuss says:

    Scott,
    wow. that was awesome! I think this post hits an epidemic running through western Churches right now. Of course, there are always two sides to the coin and often when I hear criticism, there is truth behind it, but still, this was refreshing to read.

  14. Good stuff Scott – sorry to miss you at Catalyst.

  15. Dude – heard you met Michael Trent – too bad you didn’t stick around for the concert and urinal education – - – http://www.catalystbackstage.com
    Seriously – great to grab some conversation – you’ve got a great team bro.

  16. chris says:

    Sweet and so true. This ought to be a great devotion for tomorrow’s staff meeting. Or not. Or, yeah. Thanks for all the great posts…the links, the piece from your dad’s journal. Inspired today!

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